There is a very particular discomfort that comes with praise. The kind where someone compliments your work and you instinctively deflect, minimise, or laugh it off as luck. I have been doing that for as long as I can remember.
On paper, I can acknowledge that I have achieved a lot in my twenties. I have built a career, climbed professional ladders, educated myself relentlessly, and created something meaningful online. And yet, for years, I have treated my accomplishments like contraband. Something to tuck away quietly rather than display with pride.
Imposter syndrome has a way of whispering that you simply got lucky. That at any moment someone will tap you on the shoulder and ask what you are doing here. This is my attempt to unlearn that voice.
It Was How I Was Raised
A large part of this mindset comes down to upbringing. I am from Yorkshire, and modesty was not just encouraged, it was expected. You kept your head down, worked hard, and let the results speak for themselves.
Bragging was frowned upon. Drawing attention to yourself felt almost improper. While that grounded me, it also trained me to shrink my wins. I learned to treat achievement as something quiet rather than something worth celebrating.
Not Wanting to Seem Like a Know It All
I have an eidetic memory, which sounds glamorous until you are a child being teased for it. Remembering everything I read or saw did not make me popular. It made me different.
After years of being labelled a know it all, I did what many young girls do. I dimmed myself. I stopped volunteering answers. I downplayed intelligence. That habit of shrinking followed me into adulthood, long after the teasing stopped.
Not Putting Myself Forward
A few years ago, a senior role opened up at work that was practically built for me. I had already been doing much of the job informally. Yet I did not put myself forward.
I assumed someone else would be more qualified. I waited to be chosen rather than advocating for myself. It took a colleague, who believed in me more than I believed in myself, to ask why I was being overlooked. That moment was both humiliating and eye-opening. The only person standing in my way had been me.
Doubting My Professional Ability
Even after securing leadership roles, the doubt did not evaporate. I would go home some evenings convinced I was about to be exposed as incompetent. It did not matter that I had experience or positive feedback. My internal narrative was louder.
Looking back, it feels almost absurd. I had evidence of my capability everywhere. But imposter syndrome does not respond to logic. It thrives on fear, and fear rarely needs proof.
Feeling Like a Thief When Setting My Prices
Freelancing introduced a new layer of discomfort. Setting my own rates felt almost audacious. Each time I increased them to reflect my experience, I felt like I was testing fate.
Surely someone would push back. Surely they would question my worth. Yet when I shared updated fees with clients, not a single one objected. The only person questioning my value was me.
Talking Down My Experiences
Perhaps the clearest example of this habit was when I worked with a brand I had admired for years. It was a career milestone, the kind I once daydreamed about. And yet, when I mentioned it to my husband, I slipped it casually into conversation as if it were an afterthought.
Why was I so hesitant to celebrate something that meant so much to me. The fear of appearing arrogant outweighed the joy of achievement. That is not humility. That is self-sabotage.
How I Am Changing
Unlearning this mindset will not happen overnight. It is woven into years of habit and self protection. But I am starting small. I am practising stating facts without apology. I am allowing myself to acknowledge milestones openly.
I am also talking to the people closest to me about this shift. The more I normalise discussing my work and achievements, the less foreign it feels. Pride does not have to mean arrogance. It can simply mean ownership.
Final Thoughts
We live in a world that will criticise you regardless. You may as well be proud of yourself in the meantime. Modesty is admirable, but not when it erases you. I am learning that applauding yourself does not require a megaphone. It simply requires honesty. I have worked hard. I am good at what I do. The opportunities I have earned are not accidents.
If you see yourself in any of this, consider this your permission slip to take up space. You do not need to blush every time someone recognises your worth. Sometimes, the most radical thing you can do is simply say, thank you.
