Over the past few years, I’ve been seeing someone to help me manage my OCD. Whether it’s working or not is still up for debate, but one thing that keeps coming up in those sessions is my extreme need to please other people. I’ve spent years putting myself second just to make sure everyone else is smiling, and honestly, it’s exhausting.
Recently, I was given the task to be a little more selfish. To prioritise myself. To do things because I want to, not because it keeps the peace. So, here’s my list of things I’ve stopped apologising for, and how learning to prioritise my own happiness has changed everything.
Saying No to Friends and Family
As a lifelong people-pleaser, I used to say yes to absolutely everything — every invite, every favour, every “quick chat” that somehow lasted three hours. The result? I was completely burnt out and resentful.
These days, I say no — often and without explanation. I’ve realised that “no” is a full sentence. I’m an introvert through and through, and time alone is how I recharge. There was a point last year when I didn’t have a single free weekend for twelve weeks straight. Never again. Now, if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no.
Feeling Deep Emotions
For years, I kept my emotions bottled up because I didn’t want to seem dramatic or “too much.” I’d brush things off with a laugh and pretend I was fine when really, I wasn’t.
But I’ve learned that feeling things deeply doesn’t make you weak — it makes you human. These days, I let myself cry, vent, and actually feel things. The people who love me the most have told me they’ve never seen me so open, and it’s brought us closer. Being vulnerable isn’t embarrassing; it’s powerful.
Not Liking Something
Once upon a time, I agreed with everyone — even when I didn’t. I’d nod along to bad ideas, smile through awkward dinners, and pretend to love films that made me want to chew my arm off just to stay polite.
Now? I’m done pretending. I can respectfully disagree without burning down the room. There’s a big difference between being honest and being rude, and learning that balance has been a game-changer. Saying “that’s not really for me” is liberating. Try it — it’s addictive.
Wanting to Do Things Alone
This one seems to baffle people. I genuinely enjoy spending time alone. A solo walk, a quiet café, a day pottering around the house — heaven. But for some reason, people panic when you say, “I’m going on my own.”
Now when someone tries to invite themselves along, I politely remind them that solitude is the point. It’s not rude; it’s restorative. If you’re someone who recharges best in silence, don’t apologise for needing that time — it’s how you refill your tank.
Changing My Mind
For years, I treated changing my mind like a personal failure. I worried that people would think I was flaky or indecisive. But the truth is, changing your mind is a sign of growth.
We evolve, our circumstances shift, and our choices should too. Whether it’s something small (like cancelling plans) or something big (like changing career paths), you owe no one an apology for making choices that suit who you are now.
Ending Friendships
This one’s hard, but it’s been the most freeing of all. The older I get, the more I realise that not everyone is meant to stay forever. Some people are lessons, not lifers — and that’s okay.
If someone consistently drains your energy, disrespects you, or just no longer aligns with the person you’re becoming, it’s okay to let them go. You don’t owe anyone lifelong loyalty at the expense of your peace. My circle is smaller now, but it’s infinitely healthier.
Looking After Myself
Whether it’s switching off my phone, locking the bathroom door, or indulging in a long pamper evening — I’ve stopped apologising for self-care.
Sometimes that means face masks and bubble baths; sometimes it means takeaway and trash TV. Either way, it’s my time. It makes me feel better, and that’s all the reason I need. You don’t need to justify doing things that make you happy or recharge you — ever.
Final Thoughts
If you’re anything like I was — constantly apologising for existing — consider this your sign to stop. You have every right to protect your peace, your energy, and your boundaries. It takes time to unlearn the people-pleasing habits, but once you do, life feels lighter.
I’m still a work in progress, but learning to prioritise myself has made me more confident, content, and calm. And that, my friends, is something I will never apologise for again.
