For a long time — most of my early twenties, in fact — I really didn’t like myself. I can’t pinpoint when the self-loathing started or why it took root, but I do remember the moment it finally shifted. Like most people, I’ve had my fair share of anxiety and doubt, and I think that somewhere along the way, those feelings slowly became part of how I saw myself.
But one morning, I woke up and realised that I felt unhappy for no reason at all. Nothing bad had happened. I just didn’t like me. It hit me hard — I’d become a pessimist without even realising it, and it was exhausting. So that morning, I went into work early, sat alone in the quiet office, and scribbled out a list in my notebook. On one side, I wrote everything I disliked about myself. On the other, I wrote what I could actually do to change it.
That day was the beginning of learning to like myself again, and here’s what helped me get there.
You Are Not Your Past Decisions
Like everyone else, I’ve made decisions in my life that make me cringe when I think about them now. But the older I get, the more I realise that I am not defined by the things I once did or the mistakes I’ve made.
It sounds cliché, but it’s true — every failure is a lesson. Once I started letting go of the negative thoughts and stopped replaying old memories on a loop, I felt lighter. I could finally look ahead instead of constantly looking back.
You Are Not Defined By Your Weight
For much of my life, I’ve had a complicated relationship with my body. I was painfully underweight for years, then later gained more than I was comfortable with. I’ve lived on both sides of the scale, and neither brought me happiness.
What made it worse was how vocal people can be about other people’s bodies — as if our weight is somehow public property. Eventually, I had to stop letting a number on the scale dictate my worth. These days, I focus more on how I feel than what I weigh, and that small shift has changed everything.
It’s Okay To Cut Out Toxic Friendships
There comes a point when you realise some friendships do more harm than good. I had a few people in my life who only ever wanted to talk about themselves — and when I needed support, they were nowhere to be found.
It wasn’t easy, but I started to quietly distance myself from those relationships. Cutting ties felt uncomfortable at first, but it made space for healthier, happier connections. Sometimes peace looks like fewer people in your circle — and that’s okay.
Stop Feeling Lazy and Do Something
Here’s the truth: I am half-human, half-sloth. I would happily skip the gym forever if it were socially acceptable. But when I don’t move my body, I feel sluggish, unmotivated, and trapped in my own head.
These days, I try to do something active every day — even if it’s just a 30-minute walk. It’s not about the physical changes (although they’re nice); it’s about what it does for my mental clarity. Movement makes me kinder to myself. It’s like giving my brain some breathing space.
Accept Your Hardships and Move Past Them
I’ve always been a deeply emotional person — and for a long time, I saw that as weakness. I used to beat myself up for having off days or for feeling “too much.” But I’ve learned that emotions aren’t something to be fixed. They’re something to be felt.
Now, when I have a hard day, I let myself sit with it. I cry if I need to. I process it. And then I move on. Giving myself permission to feel instead of forcing myself to be fine has made me more resilient, not less.
Final Thoughts
I know this was a personal one — maybe the most personal post I’ve written in a while. But I wanted to share it because I know so many people feel the same. There will be times in life when you don’t like yourself very much. That’s normal. What matters is recognising that you have the power to change it.
You are not your past. You are not your mistakes. You are not what other people think you should be. Learn to show yourself the same kindness you’d give anyone else — because at the end of the day, you are the only person who can create your own happiness. So that’s how I learnt to like myself — one honest, uncomfortable, empowering step at a time.
