THE BOOB UPDATE

If you guys have been following these posts for the past couple of weeks, then you may know that I have had a breast scare. Since the last time I updated you guys, I have had my results. To cut a very long story short, the sounds which were tested from my breast are not an immediate cause for concern; however, they have the potential to change and become cancerous. 

Because of this, I need to have surgery. Due to the size of the area, it looks like they won’t be removing quite a significant section of my breast. I have been warned that there may be a vast size irregularity, and it is something that they may consider correcting later down the line.

Even though I am very happy with this news, because ultimately it isn’t breast cancer. It has sparked further worries about my chance of developing it later in life. For example, before my nipple began to bleed, this issue had been growing and changing within my breast, without my knowledge about it at all. It wasn’t even something that you could feel, as it was within the ducts of my breast, so it was relatively hidden. I fear that this could happen again, and before I get the visible outward symptoms, it could migrate into breast cancer.

I have my pre-op assessment this week. The surgery should then follow within the next four weeks. After they remove the mass, it will be sent for further testing just to ensure that there was nothing else that wasn’t detected on the biopsy. At that appointment, I am going to ask about bringing forward routine mammograms so that if anything should happen, it is found and dealt with quickly.

 

THE BEAUTY BREAKDOWN

THere have been a few beauty items that I have been loving recently but the stand out product to me is absolutely the Elf Hydrating Concealer. I actually use this item as a cream contour and I find that the shade ‘Deep Olive’ is absolutely perfect for my medium skin tone. The reason that this has been a standout product for me is that I often want more coverage on my cheek where I have hyperpigmentation, and with this been a concealer, it delivers that extra coverage.

One thing in terms of beauty as I am massively struggling at the minute it has to be my nails. I want to be one of those incredibly chic girlies that has a beautiful lengthening manicure. Mainly because I have quite large fingers for my proportions and I love how my hands can look when I have that added length of a tip and an elongated French manicure. However, I have immense sensory issues when it comes to any nail that passes the end of my fingertip. 

I keep playing in my head, the audio of Morgan Stewart when she is talking about women who don’t have manicured fingernails, seeming like they were dirty underwear and I cannot get that out of my head. 

I love feeling put together and quite obviously your fingernails are almost always visible and it is a huge part of looking put together. Either I need to try and get used to my sensory issues and schedule in regular appointments and treat myself to an hour away from parenting, or I need to find a manicure at a length that I am happy with that again makes me feel happy with the appearance of my hands. I understand that it really isn’t that deep, however for me, fingernails are much like your hair – always visible and I want how they look to correlate to the kind of woman that I want to be.

 

THE FAMILY UPDATES 

In terms of family, I really don’t have that much to share. As expected, my son has yet another bug from nursery and he is unable to go. Thankfully, my new job is absolutely fantastic, and they understand that people have families away from the workplace. I am trying to work at the same time as having an unwell 13-month-old baby. It certainly isn’t easy, however, I understand that we will be going through these emotions for many years to come. Looking forward, I keep telling myself that as these instances occur, the older my son gets, it will become easier.

I do however, think of all of the women in similar situations that do not work for such fantastic companies. At my previous place, I can remember feeling an enormous amount of anxiety of having to tell my manager that I needed to leave in order to collect my son from nursery when he had a sickness bug. Nobody should ever feel guilty for prioritising their young family.

 

THE BLOGGING UPDATE

Right, I know that you guys will think I am crazy, but I miss blogging. I know that I still write and upload posts every couple of weeks for you, but it is nothing in comparison to how frequently I used to share online. At one stage, I was uploading a new post every single day, and I absolutely loved that momentum that I seemed to be gaining with my site. However, as we all know, life adapts and gets in the way of simple pleasures like sitting down and writing blog posts. 

The side of blogging that I really miss is reviewing new items. As somebody who adores beauty and fashion, generating and sharing that content was always such a passion of mine – but also from looking at the metrics of my site, you guys seemed to really enjoy those posts too. 

For example, since cutting down my writing schedule, I have tried out so many great beauty items and bought so many amazing pieces for my wardrobe that I know my audience once upon a time would have loved to learn more about. But I simply don’t do that anymore. I know that in some capacity I could bring those back and just upload them every now and again, but I think I would very easily fall into the trap of spending too much of my limited time on my site, worrying about photography and before I know it, there would be an entire schedule overwhelming me once again.

 

THE DAY JOB

In my past few updates I have shared nothing but positive things about my new workplace. Unfortunately, I am able to carry that positivity on. What I will say, is that the context of my new job may not be that exciting to most people. However, due to my mental health, I adore a job where I can get stuck into things, be incredibly busy And enjoy the monotony of learning new processes and products.

Something which is absolutely crazy to me is that I have already been in my new position for longer than I was at my last company which I left fairly quickly after returning to the workplace following return to leave. The past few months have seemed to fly by. I’ve got fantastic relationships with my senior management team, my peers are incredibly friendly and welcoming, not to mention I really feel like the work that I am doing is making a difference to the future of the business. It is always an amazing feeling to know that your contribution is generating a reward as that is not something which is always obvious within the marketing realm.

 

THE FASHION UPDATE

At the moment, I am really trying to curb my spending when it comes to fashion. As some of you may know, I have recently lost quite a significant amount of weight following the birth of my son. Because of this, most of the clothes within my wardrobe have had to be replaced. It is not a case of me over spending in certain categories, I essentially had to start my wardrobe again from scratch. What I’m trying to remember is that I am still in the process of trying to lose weight at a healthy rate. Because of this I want to try and make do with the clothes which I currently own as I anticipate within a few months they will hopefully, be too large once again.

Aside from my general clothing, I am being good in terms of what footwear and accessories I am adding into my closet. Over the past few weeks I have purchased only one high-end designer item. I know that saying that may make me sound like an arsehole, but it is simply the truth. And the beautiful addition to my closet has been an amazing pair of Christian Louboutin so Kate knee-high boots. I already have so many incredible outfits planned for this pair of shoes over the coming autumn and winter months. In my eyes these are already worth every single penny that I have invested in them.

 

THE NOVEL PROGRESS

Slow. That is the only word for it. Slow. 

The time that I get to myself in the evening to write and edit after my son goes down to sleep is incredibly minimal. In that time, I will get some housework done, watch some TV, pamper myself, read a book, and god knows what else. But that time is incredibly limited. Sometimes at the end of the day, I need to choose to do things that are not going to overstimulate my mind before putting my head on the pillow at night.

To try and get myself in a better frame of mind, to make writing a priority, I try to tell myself my future goals and where I want to be. But when you are running on empty, that doesn’t help you all that much. If anything, it does nothing but add a layer of guilt to proceedings where I chose to simply sat on my bed and watch some television rather than sit with my laptop on my lap and write a new chapter. 

 

THE HOME RENOVATIONS 

The latest home project that I have been working on is colour-drenching our snug. We first created our snug a couple of years ago from our integrated garage, which was a massive wasted space. We had it professionally converted, and for some time, all that has been in the room is a large white room with a corner sofa and a huge television.

Last week, I set myself the task of painting the room in a deep green colour. The walls, the radiator cover, the panelling and the ceiling. I thought that I would get it done in a single day. In truth, I probably ended up completing 10% of that. I am going to carry on this week and hopefully close the chapter and have my beautiful dark room ready to snuggle up in. I will keep you posted, because I don’t think it will be as quick as I imagine, given how little I managed to complete on my first painting day. 

 

THE MENTAL HEALTH REPORT

All in all, I have to say that my mental health is in a really good place. It surprises the hell out of me, to be honest, because in the past, much smaller things have triggered my depression and left me in a bad place, but I feel positive and I feel good. 

My only complaint would have to be that there is a small part of my brain which is struggling with health anxiety. Something growing and changing inside my breast has got me questioning what else could be happening around my body, that I am unaware of, that could potentially make me ill and cut my time short with my family. It’s a dark way to think and something that I am going to work hard to put an end to. 

 

THE SOCIAL UPDATE

I may as well say right here and now that my social life is almost non-existent. My friends and I try as hard as we can to make plans to see each other, but there is always a reason why we need to cancel and try to reschedule. 

My husband and I have both been asked to go out with our couple friends, but because we cosleep with George, it makes it really difficult to leave him with anybody in the evening. Our parents would gladly have him, but as soon as it got to 7pm, they would be stuck, as he is used to sleeping in a bed rather than a cot. It isn’t ideal, but it just means that sleepovers and late nights out are on hold for both of us.

This is just a short period of our lives where social plans, espeacially for mummy, are going to be minimal and to be honest, I am ok with that. I still speak to my friends all of the time, we understand each other, and it is a strange period of my life where my home is my sanctuary, but it is amazing all the same.

 

THE RECENT READS

I am not going to lie, my reading efforts have been incredibly poor recently, and I put that down to having a physical book to read. I purchased Summer In The City in a hardback version a few weeks ago, only because I had a voucher to use on Amazon, and it was cheaper to get the physical book than the Kindle version. 

For me, I just struggle with a physical book. That is mainly because I read the most once I put my son to bed at night, and I sit in his bedroom, or he is lying next to me in my own bed. Even though it may seem like turning a page is rather quiet, when you are trying to keep a one-year-old asleep, it is the loudest sound in the world. 

I plan to get through it in the next few days because there are so many books on my TBR list that I cannot wait to move on to and read soon. Hopefully, in my next update, I will have something more to share with you.

 

OTHER RAMBLES

Thankfully for you guys, there isn’t really much else for me to share that I haven’t already mentioned above. I am incredibly grateful to be in a good headspace at the moment with everything that I have going on. I will be sure to keep you posted as I move closer to my surgery date.