So far, my day has being consumed with getting ready to return to work and I decided to take a break and write this post while the thoughts are still fresh in my mind. Some of you may know that in August of last year, after a long battle with infertility, I had my first baby. Initially I thought that I would struggle with maternity leave because I am not very good with change.

Here I am, almost 9-months later and my emotions are running wild at the thought of going back to the workplace and my life once again flipping on its head.

 

 

When I began to think about our ‘new normal’.

I always knew that my return to work would be in May. However, I have to say that as soon as we crossed into the New Year, it has being a constant thought in my head. It filled me with dread and there were many tears in early January when I was trying to get my head around it. But it also made me appreciate every single day. Even when he was fighting his first cold and keeping me busy all day with his endless crying, I found myself feeling lucky that I was at home, and I was the one who was here to help him.

 

The nursery that he is enrolled in and my workplace.

My workplace has actually being amazing about me heading back. I had a meeting with them, and they said that they wanted me back in any capacity. Currently, I am going to return full-time. But for two of those days, I am going to be working from home. One day my mother is going to come and help with my son. The other day, my in-laws will come and have him for a few hours so I can do some work.

The other three days, my son is going to be in full-time nursery. I have picked the best rated one in the area and one of my family members sends their daughter there, so it was vouched for. The only thing is that in my head, I imagine nursery to be like a little prison and in my head, he will cry for me endlessly until I return to pick him up. In reality, I know that my relatives child loves going, cries when she’s leaving and has the best days. I need to try to shift my mindset.

 

The opinions I’ve heard from others.

When I’ve being speaking to other people about how they felt at the end of their maternity leave, it’s being a mixed bag. Some people were upset, but ready to move onto the next stage. Other people couldn’t wait to have some adult conversation again and slip back into their old routine before they had kids. I even got the feeling from a few people that they weren’t too bothered about having time from their baby, but they didn’t want to return to work, favouring being home. I would say that it really was 50/50 without much grey area in-between for if people wanted to be stay-at-home with their kids, or back to work as normal.

 

How I am feeling about the shift.

I don’t know if it has been acutely obvious throughout this post, but I am devastated about heading back to work. Before I have birth, even when I was heavily pregnant, I thought that I would be chomping at the bit to head back to work. That isn’t the case. My son is my world, and it doesn’t matter to me in the slightest that my universe revolves around him. I want to be there for every moment with him. I want to be the one to comfort him. The one to see his milestones. The one to feed him. I love the monotony of parenting and every day with him is a dream. The thought of not being there makes me feel sick.

I guess the thing that I am most nervous about is not spending enough quality time with him. I don’t want to wake him up, just for him to be looked after by somebody else and me pay the bill. The last 9-months have already flown by so quickly, I don’t want to miss out on more.

 

What I hope happens next.

At this stage, there is nothing I can do other than get ready for this new stage in our lives. Unless I win the Euromillions this weekend, I need to get my head around this. I can only hope that once we get into this new routine that I see a benefit for the both of us. Not only will I be earning money and getting to speak to and work with my colleagues again. I hope to see my son become more outgoing thanks to being around more people at nursery. Only time will tell.

 

As always, I hope that you guys enjoyed reading this post. The reason why I wanted to write this post is in support of those people that feel devastated at the thought of leaving their little one, yet not really having a choice in the matter. For months now, my heart has broken on a daily basis at the thought of leaving my son. I can only hope that in a few weeks, once we settle into our routine ever so slightly that I can feel more positive about the next stage.

I would love to hear from you guys in the comments below. How did you feel at the end of your maternity leave? Were you craving adult conversation or could you watch the dancing fruit all day, everyday?