How I Gained Confidence

Back when I was at comprehensive school, I was an overconfident and somewhat annoying teenager. I was always the volunteer and I had to be in the middle of everything. I didn’t care what people thought, I was 100% myself and I loved to put myself out there. However, as I got older and my OCD and depression began to intensify, my levels of confidence began to dwindle. It wasn’t until I was around the age of 20, that I felt like I had no confidence left in the tank. From that point, I learnt how to project confidence, but what was happening internally was something completely different. I have always used the analogy of a swan looking calm on the surface of the water, but underneath the struggle is real. But 2024 was the year that I wanted to change that. This is how I gained confidence.

 

 

I spoke with people about how I was feeling.

The first thing that I did was I opened up to the main people in my life. Mainly, this was my husband and my closest friends. I put it plainly to them about how I was feeling and just unloading it made me feel worlds better. I am a true believe in the feeling that sharing a problem makes you feel so much lighter. Everybody that I spoke to said that they could see my lack of confidence and they was onboard to help me in any way that they could!

 

Made a list of the good that I do.

When you are lacking in confidence, you can often feel like you are good for nothing. There are so many times that I have been in a pit when it comes to confidence, and I struggle horrendously to try and get out. One thing that I always try to do is I think about the good that I do. That gives me the lift that I need to recognize that I am a worthy person that deserves to have a boost in confidence.

 

Made a clear and defined list of the things that I wanted to work on.

When I realised that it was my confidence that I really wanted to work on, I broke it down even further. Was it speaking to people? Dealing with work situations? Going on nights out? What were the specifics underneath the umbrella of confidence that I wanted to work on. Once I had a much smaller and more defined list, I could think about what actions under each of those categories I had to do in order to achieve the next level of confidence. Baby steps lead to breakthroughs.

 

Acknowledged how far I’d come.

This might sound a little big headed, but sometimes I am my own inspiration. I think about where I was when I was in my early twenties. I was somewhat of a wreck of a person, and I was so lacking in confidence that I barely left the house. Just thinking back to that time and where I am today made me feel worlds better and only encouraged me to keep pushing myself.

 

Realised how much I could benefit from more confidence.

Beyond just wanting to improve my overall levels of confidence, I began to think about how it could benefit me broadly. To have more engaging conversations, to getting more friends, to having more fun times out of the house, advancing in my career. The list really is endless. Thinking about the end goal and what I might be able to achieve due to improving my confidence was just the kick up the ass that I needed.

 

Got validation from those closest to me.

After I began to make these changes to my life, I instantly started getting comments from those in my life. Whether it was friends, family or colleagues, everybody seemed to be seeing the changes. The biggest one that people noticed was that I was much more willing to leave the house. Whereas before, I was somewhat of a recluse. With just the smallest of changes I was this social butterfly, and it didn’t go unnoticed. Them seeing such a positive change in me, helped to spur me on and want to keep going.

 

As always, I hope you guys enjoyed this blog post about how I gained confidence. The reason why I wanted to make this change now after living with a lack of confidence for so long is because I wanted to make a change. There is still an extrovert buried inside me somewhere and I want that person to come back out. The work that I have put into myself has made a world of difference. However, I do recognize that I still have quite a way to go. As always, I would love to hear from you guys on this topic. Have you had to work on your confidence? Does it just come naturally to you?