Why I’m Struggling To Post

I am going to sit down with you guys and open up with you. As you may have noticed, new posts have been rather lacking here on my site over the last few months. Usually, I pride myself on sticking to my schedule and uploading on a regular basis, however, for the last few months my uploads have fallen off a cliff.

 

To be honest, I’ve been struggling. You may know that I have OCD and generally speaking, I am in a good place with it. However, add in too many unknown factors into my life and I can end up in a spiral. Over the last few weeks, I have been in a spiral and I have felt pretty desperate to regain the level of control that usually makes me feel ‘normal’.

As I write this post, I am around 30 weeks pregnant. I’m not going to lie, pregnancy has not been easy. To be honest, it has been the polar opposite of what I thought it would be. Currently, I am being reviewed under the consultant at the hospital because baby is measuring very small. Beyond that, I am feeling anxiety about feeling prepared to be a mother for the first time, fixing up the house ready for the baby, prepping work for my first ever long-term absence and so much more that I won’t bore you with. The long and the short of it is that my headspace has been fully occupied and it is a lot to handle.

When I feel like this, I get to a stage where I know that something has to give. Whether it is blogging, going out to meet friends, giving it my all at work, etc. Ultimately, the easiest thing for me to step away from is always this site, but then I get sucked into a vicious circle because I then feel immeasurable amounts of guilt for falling behind.

I hope that by writing this post, opening up to you guys and being honest with you about where I currently am and how I am clambering to regain control, it may kickstart things. In my head, I know that there is no pressure on me to do everything, and to make everything perfect. These are all things that I build up in my head and nobody else has ay expectations on me. I just need to find my balance again and hopefully you will see me posting like normal again in no time at all.