Here on my site many times I have shared with you guys my OCD journey. It is something that I am incredibly open about because even though living with OCD can be difficult at times, most of the time I have a good grasp on things.
However, in this post today, I am going to sit down with you and share some of the ways that OCD affects me on a daily basis. The small things that crop up that my OCD doesn’t like, or the minor things that are affected by the way that my brain is hardwired.
Brushing my teeth more than normal.
I have a deep love for brushing my teeth. And don’t get me wrong, my OCD is not germ-related. I am not a germaphobe by any stretch. However, when I feel like I need to regain control back into my life, I do the things that I am able to. One simple thing that I do in order to feel like I have accomplished something positive is to brush my teeth. God knows at what stage over the years I attached so much importance to this that it became a compulsion, but it certainly has and it appears to be there to stay.
Always doing something.
Sitting still is not an ability that I have. I have to be doing something at all times. Even if I am absolutely shattered, it is never an option for me to take it easy. I can actually remember being heavily pregnant and literally scraping around the house for something to do rather than just sitting on my ass not doing anything. I would love to have the ability to switch off, kick back and relax. Hopefully one day I will get there but at the moment my OCD keeps me going and wanting to check things from my never-ending to-do list.
I can’t have long nails.
Honestly, I adore the idea of having long nails. I love how they look, and I love how they feel when I have just had them done. However, they get on my nerves. I can have them professionally put on and then a few hours after I feel like I need to chop them down and file them short. Over the years, keeping my nails trimmed down as low as possible has become somewhat of an obsession of mine. I even have to keep a small nail kit in my handbag at all times, just in case I feel like my nails are getting too long (which they never are)!
Not wearing jewellery.
A small thing that my OCD does drive is my inability to wear jewellery. Other than small stud earrings that I wear in my ears, I never wear any other jewellery. Not my engagement ring, not my wedding ring, no necklaces and not even my overpriced watch. For me, this is where OCD feeds into sensory issues again, but I hate the feel of something touching my skin. At times I can feel overwhelmed with my hair, and I can just about manage the feel of that against my skin. If I had my mane of hair, combined with jangly jewellery, I would just about tear my hair out.
Lack of spontaneity.
As I have mentioned, my OCD comes down to needing planning and order. Because of that, I don’t like to be spontaneous. If my husband suggests going out for tea instead of cooking what is on our schedule, it can set me into a blind panic. Don’t get me wrong, I know that nothing is ever that deep, but when I am thrown into the unknown, it can really rock me. I try to be as level-headed as possible and realise that unknown elements will always come into my day but even though I understand that rationally doesn’t always mean that it commutes to logical thoughts in my head.
Day being ruined in a moment.
If things aren’t going my way, I do struggle to see the good in the rest of the day. I can often then get into my own head too much and I am unable to keep going with the day. Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t happen all of the time, but when it does, I genuinely write the day off. Even if something negative happens at 7am, no matter what happens for the rest of the day isn’t enough to pick my day back up. This comes down to that obsessive side of OCD where my brain will cling to the negativity, and it will continue to circle and circle around.
Shutting off.
If I begin to get overwhelmed or I am losing control on my day, I will begin to shut off. Usually that means that I am putting up a wall and disassociating with what is happening around me. I hate to do it and I can feel myself when I am shutting people out and pushing them away. But sometimes I need a moment just in my own head to work through things. I understand that most people in my life want to help, but my OCD isn’t black and white. Sometimes, just having a little internal monologue can help me get right again.
As always, I hope you guys enjoyed this post and learning a little more about my OCD. I never write these posts for sympathy, or even empathy. The reason why I share is because I know that OCD is such an unknown condition to most people. There is a huge misconception about how OCD affects people and their everyday life. By sharing this I want to share that sometimes it can be the smallest things can throw off somebody whose brain doesn’t work in a primarily ‘standard’ way.
