Needing Help and Medication

Since starting my blog back in 2013, one of the main topics that I have spoken about is mental health. As you guys may know, I have a hard time with my mental health. I call them flare ups. Where things just get to me and I feel so overwhelmed that before I know it I am back in a dark place. This happened again recently.

 

 

I ended up needing help and medication. I have shared candid things here on my blog about my experience with medication and mental health. The reason why I wanted to write this post is because only a few months ago did I write about that I was finally off medication. I feel like just as quick as I came off them, I now need them again. This is the truth about mental health and I want to share that in this post.

 

Where I was a few weeks back.

If you did catch my blog post the other week, I wrote all about how I had been on medication and was phasing it out. Without even recognising it, I had fallen into a depression and my councillor recommended that for a period of time I went on anti-depressants. It was ultimately my choice, but I knew that something wasn’t right and I wanted to make a positive change. After 7 months on them, I felt in a much better place. I couldn’t attribute it all to the medication, so I wanted to begin phasing it out to see if I was my normal self without them.

 

How I came off the medication.

I knew when it came to my medication that it was best to phase them out. Just like when you first get on anti-depressants, it is a gradual thing. The same goes for coming off them. I spoke to my doctor and my councillor and they both said that I should reduce my dose until I feel comfortable to come off the last of the tablets. For me, this was a process that seemed to last forever, but I was grateful that there seemed to be no negative effects. I seemed to transition to life with no anti-depressants quite smooth and easily.

 

How I felt after.

For the couple of months when I was fully off the anti-depressants, I felt fine. I still had periods where my OCD gained momentum, but I felt like I was able to deal with that. At no point did I feel like the old feelings were coming back. In my mind, I felt like I had so much more of my personality back, the good and the bad. I felt excited again and was like a giddy child at times. However, my family have let me know since that the good times were really good, but there were also really dark times that sent me downhill fast. Inside though, I felt like it was the right thing.

 

The difference that I started seeing.

Within a couple of months, I felt like the low points began consuming the highs. I was going to work in a bad mood, coming home in an even worse mood and feeling so low. To the point that my energy was at an all time low. I was hoovering one day and felt like I could pass out because inside I felt like I had nothing left to give. At times, I even thought that I could have had COVID because I felt that bad and I was laid up. I wasn’t badly, I was mentally ill and I knew that I had to speak to somebody and make a change.

 

The final decision.

Whenever I have intense feelings, I always increase the amount that I speak to my counsellor. I have a really close relationship with them, and I feel incredibly fortunate that they are familiar with me after years of working together. We sat together and spoke for what felt like an eternity. I had my reluctance because I wanted to get to know myself without having a dependency on medication. However, I also have a rational side of my brain that is always switched on and I knew what I needed. For me, I would rather feel marginally more subdued and be able to get out of bed in a morning. That for me is medication.

 

I don’t want to say that I hope you guys liked this post, but I hope you took something from it. Mental health is a very real thing. Even these days, I still get people (and family) thinking that I am making it up or making it seem worse than it is. I feel very lucky that I do have a great network of people around me, but for every amazing person, there seems to be a negative person. The reason why I speak about these things is that there is a very long way to go until discussions surrounding mental health are the norm. However, I will continue to overshare here on my little corner of the internet until I feel like it is no longer required. I would love to hear from you guys regarding this topic. Please leave me a comment below and ask questions!